| |  For 4 weeks, I've been walking in a faith-led path, not really knowing
where I'm going, but simply trusting that God will guide me. I'm
seeking clarity. I'm giving God room and opportunities to live and work
inside of my life. I'm meditating on scripture, serving people, silent
time, praying, reading and meditating on scripted prayers, studied
God's Word, compared myself to God, sketched and doodled in response to
what He's doing to me, sang songs (mostly new ones from my heart, but a
few commercial ones here & there), filled 2 journals with babbling,
written notes on Facebook, spent time on the phone with friends,
praying with a mentor, going to counseling, and so much more. Not only
has God proven that He is present, but that when we give Him space,
time and opportunity to affect us- He loves and embraces it.
I'm
sitting here crying and have been for over 2 hours. I tell you that
because most of us are afraid of crying. We're afraid to let tears fall
down from our eyes. It's ok and while my tears are not because I'm sad,
afraid, tempted, tired, confused or heartbroken... my tears are tears
of deep joy, of wonder, of humility, of repentance... as if they were
coming from the depths of my soul. I've never felt that, I've never
felt connected to God, as if He were living in me, residing in my
heart, my mind. As if His grandeur, magnificent mind, powerful hands,
righteous, sacrificial, all-knowing self is squeezed into my 6' body.
Maybe the tears are all those personal emotions, thoughts, beliefs,
desires coming out of me while I let Him into me...
I was raised
in a Christian home and was taught the importance of community found in
The Church and the importance of gathering to be encouraged, reminded
and fed the Word of God. At age 15 I accepted Jesus Christ in Deville,
LA. It was a gathering of about 15 people (8 of whom were my family). I
walked up front and shared with an older man (I don't even remember His
name) that I wanted Jesus and that I no longer could live without Him.
And as is customary in my faith background, I was baptized before those
15 people as a public demonstration of my acceptance of His
forgiveness, righteousness, Spirit, and power in my life. It's a
significant moment in my life.
Sometimes there are moments when
He breathes newness into you. As you present yourself hollow, void,
broken and needy before Him. He whiffs His breath, His word, His
thoughts, His passions into you. It's amazing. It's so refreshing and
humbling. It's also life changing. While I can admit to you this time
in my life has been quite painful and will continue to be. It will
continue to have many voids, much pruning, a lot of self-realization,
downfalls, rises onto mountain tops, crying for hours, and much more. I
prayerfully ask God that I learn and retain what He's showing and
teaching me.
While I haven't heard about the things I
thought that were important, I am assured that God will provide. He
takes care of the birds, making sure they are fed, are sheltered and
are able to fly. Therefore I must rest assured that He will take care
of me, making sure I'm physically-spiritually-emotionally-&-mentally
fed, sheltered, guided and have the ability to do what I need to do. If
I continually ask, seek and knock He will provide beyond my
expectations. He will show up at the opportune times and will guide me
through the dry, weary, dreadful times of life and through the joyous,
celebratory, wonderful moments. Each season will come and pass, but He
will stay the same through it all; being who He is, what He is and how
He is.
This evening as I continue to let tears fall down my
cheek, off my chin and onto my hands and shirt... I come humbled,
feeling loved, remembering how good, wonderful, magnificent, righteous,
holy, just, powerful, willing, loving, merciful, sacrificial, worth of
honor & praise, selfless, forgiving and concerned He truly is.
If you don't know Jesus. Ask. Seek. Request His presence.
You may not feel transformed the instant God fills your life. You may
not wake up tomorrow feeling like the world is going to be ok. You
won't have all the answers. You won't understand some or almost all of
the Bible. You won't find a community centered on Christ easily. You
may not know His will. You will unfortunately sin again. You will fall
off the happy wagon. You will be drug through sorrow and pain. You will
be pruned. You will be accepted. You will be loved. You will be
challenged. You will be favored. You will be forgiven. And you will
walk forward in the Light, vulnerable for all the world to know... I'm
a work of God in progress. Bear with my humanity and vast upon the
moments I let God shine through me... You will be a Child of God in His
loving arms.
A final note from God's Word...
"Everyone
who believes that Jesus is the Messiah is born of God, and everyone who
loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we
love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands.
In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands
are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This
is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it
that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the
Son of God." -1 John 5:15 tNIV
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